I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
