I heard we made out
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
