Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize