Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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