Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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