why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize