I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
