I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
