There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
