If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
