Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
