first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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