Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
