She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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