Don't you send me to vm
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
