I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
