I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
