Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Randomize
