You can't special order awesome
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
