I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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