whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
