Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
