Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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