apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
