Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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