You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
