There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She's the barista slut.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
