sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
