he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
