I want to walk on stilts...naked
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
