Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
