Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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