I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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