i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
