you traded sex for a burrito?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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