I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
