He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
