drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
