Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
