How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
