Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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