Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
