I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
