You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize