He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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