Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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