is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
