Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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