i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
