So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
