Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
