it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
