so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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