My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
