Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
