Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
