you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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