As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
