Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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