spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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