is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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