last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
