Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
