He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
