Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
