my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
