Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
