he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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