If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
