Sorry, I don't speak sober.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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