i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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