Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
