google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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