peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Actions speak louder than pants.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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