she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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