we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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