I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
