He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
